Long Excerpt: A
Sharing in Parenting
Mother
"Through these
years as a mother, my realization is that in order for our family to grow
together, we really need God in our family. We need to have the very living
essence of God to be in what we say, what we do, not just on Friday nights and
Sunday mornings, [because] the impact of God [isn’t just] real only on those
days, but on every day, and in every moment of our lives. That’s what our
children see. They see us at home, and they see us outside the home.
... No matter how I
teach my children about biblical truth and living, they will not understand and
live it until they see us as parents living it. I must first make sure I have
what I need in my life, [in order] to nurture my children into God loving and fearing
adults. My children have been going to Sunday school the moment each of them reached
a month old... They’ll give you lots of good
and even biblically correct answers [if] you ask them questions, but they lack
the day-to-day spiritual living of the biblical truths they have learnt... they can have so much fuller a life if Peter and I can guide them to seek
the Holy Spirit to be their most intimate friend and personal counselor... We, like so many, have missed the unspeakable riches, the glorious
reality, and intimate fellowship with the Holy Spirit (who is the third person
of the Godhead)... He is to be worshiped
as God, and He will lead us into worship in Spirit and in truth of the Father
God, and the Son, our Bridegroom King. His
desire is to personally teach each one of us the ways of God; [to] reveal the deep
desires of the heart of the Father and of the Son. This is what I desire of my children to experience for themselves.
All along, I have
been following the do’s and don’ts of parenting. Not that [that’s] bad, but [its]
definitely not enough to guide our children to mature into adults who seek to
delight God in everything he or she does– preparing them to be the bride of
Jesus, our Bridegroom King.
... It is really [about]
what’s in my life that I can impart to my children that will leave an everlasting
impression in their lives, such that they will not stray from God’s love, but
yearn to grow closer to him every day, [relying] on the Holy Spirit for every
counseling that they need for every decision that they will make in their lives
from now, until adulthood. In short, [for them] to be able to develop the
internal sensitivity to the Holy Spirit’s prompting– an internal sensor or
compass, if I may call it. When I think about that, wow, that’s not a small
feat! That’s a great responsibility on my part as a parent.
... As I mentioned
earlier, all it boils down to is one thing: We cannot give our children what we
do not have within us. As a parent, I must first pull my act together and seek
to be a delight to God, just as I want my children to delight me. My children
will not be what I teach them to be, but what they see [in my actions] and [experience
through their interactions with me]. Essentially, they will model after my
actions. The inconsistency between the teaching of God’s word and my living it
out will cause them to be confused, [leading] them to distrust, and eventually [leading]
them away from God. Therefore, I must not only teach them God’s word, but [must]
teach them [to have] reliance on the Holy Spirit to guide them. The Holy Spirit
will always be with us; He cannot be taken away from us. My children need to
see that both [their father] and I have that same reliance on the Holy Spirit through an
intimate relationship and fellowship with him!
I’m just learning
to see my children as God sees them in their potential, not as they are today.
God loves me for who I will be the day Christ presents me to my father. So, I
need to love my children as God loves me. Now, every moment must be a teachable
moment. I’m learning to be more patient with my children, just as God our heavenly
Father has been patient with me all these years as his child. He has not
screamed and yelled at me for being disobedient to him. He has been waiting
patiently for me to turn around and just run to him in love– as such I must be
with my children.
... Oh how
vulnerable we had become in our mistakes before our children! [Their father] and I were
properly humbled and we repented before the Lord that night, as well as before
our children. You see, they see us at our best [but also see us at] our worst
and [in our] most humbling situations. What learning moments [these are] for
our whole family."
~~~
Excerpt: A
Child’s Perspective: Spiritual Inheritance
Daughter
"It has been over
ten years since the giving of the preceding sharing by my mother... As I listened, I grew not only astonished, but also grateful and full
of praise to our God for the way He works in our lives. After I had finished
listening to the recording I asked if I could transcribe it.
I believe in
Spiritual Inheritance. I think that while you do not necessarily end up in the
exact same family situation as an adult that you had growing up, your childhood
and your family does have an influence on your life in the future. We like
to think that we can forge new grounds for ourselves, and be our own person,
separate from our pasts. However, I implore of my peers to take our own histories
to heart, to understand our pasts, to review them from a spiritual perspective,
before we can understand the steps we can take as we move forward. The idea of
spiritual inheritance has only recently begun to descend on my heart, even if
the idea has been in the making for sometime. My recent realizations regarding
spiritual inheritance lead me to analyze these thoughts that were shared years
ago, and as a result, I then wished to share the child’s parallel perspective.
I
have always been quite family orientated, having had these values instilled in
me by my parents from birth, and from birth, my parents had sung and taught and
ingrained “God”, “Jesus” and “the bible” as some of the core necessities in our
lives. As my mother mentioned, our lives were changed drastically when we moved. As a young child then, I naturally did not
understand reasons, or foresee the challenges that our family would face in the
years ahead when we first began the journey. As I look back on how my parents
have changed over the years, I see God’s hand in our lives. He has really given
them so much wisdom and passion for Him. I see how this built up over the years
we spent there, and continues to build up as we live today. My parents have
always been quite liberal with us, in explaining the reason why they do certain
things, why they make certain choices, in trying to teach us to understand, and
perceive. They allowed us room to ask questions, to bargain with them, to argue
with them. Not that I think that all of our retorts have always been respectful
or even honoring. I know that I have sinned in some of my addresses to them
during arguments. Yet, I cannot deny that my parents did allow us to reason
with them, to discuss with them, and so allowed us to have an active
relationship with them.
When
we moved, and as I moved up in elementary/primary school, my
father began to share learning that he went through, and great passions that
God placed on his heart. He spoke to me, expecting maturity in listening and
understanding. If I had questions, or desired clarification, or more
information, he did not withhold it from me. I remember talking to him for
minutes, and sometimes, even hours after dinner about the latest topic God has
been teaching him. I appreciate so much that he did this– stretched me to see
that there was so much more than just an elementary life. There was spiritual
warfare– battles and challenges beyond the tough challenges of schoolwork.
There was the bride of Christ– relationships to be developed beyond the basic
sinner turned convert. There were prayer walks, long nights of worship,
dancing, shofars, and waving of flags. There was so much more than graduating,
getting a job, getting a family, retiring, and then dying. (Edit: Not that I didn't participate in activities of a student, but I was aware that there were other pursuits above my present understanding.)
Perhaps
it was in my later years of high school; it definitely solidified through my
years in university– the need to have the Holy Spirit, Christ, and the Father
with us every moment of our lives, not just on Sundays and Fridays. I grew to
understand that to not have Him with me always; to live a dual life was false,
and even folly. My experiences with God on Sundays and Fridays were so filling;
so real, and so rich that life outside it seemed flimsy. I wished that it would
not be that way, and I eventually caught on to the fact that it isn’t supposed
to be– that God is with me each moment, that I should seek to be aware of His
presence with me. I would say my parents did have a part in guiding me to this
realization, in displaying their desire to follow God’s ways always, in the
household, out of the household, in all our fights, and in many of our
interactions. They trained me to think of God’s response to situations I faced,
and I did so unconsciously, but I would say that God ultimately gave me these
epiphanies: that this is how He wants to walk with me.
I found it
interesting to hear my mother (back then a younger mother) share about her
worry that we “lack the day-to-day spiritual living of biblical truth”. I see
so much beauty in her words, her desire to model what living God’s truth would
look like; when I look at my parents today, I thank God for them– I acknowledge
that in my life there are no role models I look to more than my parents. Of
course, they are not perfect. We are far from perfect. We still have arguments.
We still make mistakes. We still have misunderstanding. We are far from fully
sympathizing with each other. And yet this allows my mother’s convictions– that
while she wanted to model God’s love and wisdom, she wanted us to look to
Christ as our ultimate model of love and wisdom– to stand. My parents, in my
eyes, are indeed flawed, but I admire them all the more because they have shown
time and time again a reliance on God instead to find the right way as they
struggled with parenting. Their humility left in me no shame in being wrong, or
flawed, or not knowing everything; instead pushing me to seek and rely on the
God who is righteous, perfect, and all knowing.
I cannot deny that
God has been with our family. I cannot deny that we have grown a lot over the
years. I cannot deny that I am blessed richly to have parents who love God,
rely on Him and desire to serve Him with all they have. They have given me the
foundation to seek God first... I agree with each of my mother’s sentiments that she spoke of all
these years ago, and yet, am amazed to hear them because these are all lessons
I myself have learnt as I journeyed as a Christian over my own short life. Now,
I alongside with my mother, desire to experience for myself knowing the “deep
desires of the heart of the Father and of the Son” as I live.
Coming back to my
initial thoughts, I want to reassert that I believe in spiritual legacy.
Abraham’s involved a covenant with God, which created a bond so powerful it
transcended generations, from Isaac, to Jacob, to Judah, to David, to Jesus.
Another notable legacy mentioned in the bible was Lois’, who was passed on to
her daughter Eunice, whose faith was later seen in her son, Timothy. It means
understanding the path that your parents (or predecessors) walked, and how they
grew in their walks with God. That requires analyzing the life choices they
made, and the kingdoms they built through their work. These efforts and time
they spent building you up becomes the foundation that you continue to build on
as you then take responsibility for your own walk with God. This carries on
their spiritual legacy. Of course not everyone will be given this from his or
her parents. However, once we first learn of our need for God, we have the
opportunity to choose awareness of our place with God, and can begin building
the spiritual legacy that we will one day pass to our children as we teach
them, through our own example, of God’s ways.
I guess I wanted
to affirm that as a parent, you truly do have the responsibility to bring your
child up in God’s ways, and this can really give your children a great
foundation to their own walk. (I do want to insert that not every child will
turn out the way you always hope even if you have made your best efforts. This
is simply because each individual has his or her own walk, and choices to make.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to be the most God glorifying parent you
can be.) I also want to affirm that even if this is something you have not
done, that God still works in your child, and you have to entrust that He has been
and will guide your child, as he continues to guide you. Even so, in this
realization, there are still choices you can make regarding your family that
honors the Lord. I lastly want to affirm that although your parents may not
have begun or left you a legacy, that that is not something to mourn over
either. You have still the choice to start your own legacy. So, my sisters and
brothers, be aware of the spiritual matters the Lord has given you authority
over. May Christ’s wisdom, patience, trust in and faithfulness to the Father,
be with you as you walk and build.
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