Dear D,
I don't know how you feel. But I've gone through my own feelings. I know that they feel isolated, and that your circumstance is as unique as my own. If there's anyone who's gone through what I have, I haven't personally met them yet. And that's okay.
People, even close loved ones, have demeaned my feelings. Saying its a simple matter of mind over emotion. Of mental over spiritual. They look at me in worry. Genuinely concerned. Or wondering where they went wrong. They don't expect it from me, and they look at me, wondering who this foreign girl is. To have my feelings denied, and my faith judged by people I trust... These all, I laid to rest, and am not angry at them for. I still love them as much as ever.
As a Christian, for years it's been almost taboo to be depressed. Sometimes, It's not that the people around me don't care. Sometimes they just don't know how to deal with those emotions, or the situation, because we all hide them till its a cycle of brushing our dirt under the rugs and locking our demons in our closets. I appreciate that they want me to feel joyful, strong and sensible. In a better placement. As for trying to figure out what went wrong, I think it's even more important to figure out what to do right from now on out. And then sometimes it's less to do with figuring out the solutions, and more to just be there in support, encouragement, or just to listen without judging, silently, or verbally praying with him/her as they struggle with worldy fears, and learning to trust and find that peace and assurance in God. We have our moments where we trip up. And we trip up more than once in our lifetimes.
I am praying for you. You who have felt sad, bitter, alone, fearful, insecure.
Depressed.
Feeling these emotions doesn't make you less of a Christian. It doesn't make you less loved by God.
Yours Truly,
Jae, who has been depressed, but by the grace of God, has found joy, love and peace. I'm still fighting to be a better lover of God. I still feel those emotions from time to time. But I know the truth. That I am saved, and that He will allow me to stand up once again, as long as I hold His hand.
