Level Up!

Sometimes as Youths we wonder whether what we believe in is just fed off other people's passion for God.

Its easy to believe when you're in the company of good Christian friends, its so easy to be a Christian. Its easy when you were born in a Christian family, when your parents impress these beliefs on you and have for your whole life. Its easy when the people closest to you approve of your belief.

Yet at times, whether it be happy or sad, we can't help but wonder whether its all real, whether we really believe. When we're alone, when there's no one there to sway our opinion.

Personally, I felt for a long period of time that a change in direction in my life had distanced me from good Christian influences. It was from being surrounded by close Christian friends and family, to being in an environment where I had to struggle daily to remember who I was, and what I was doing there. I felt stifled, and that I'd lost my way. There was no encouragement like I was used to. There was no Christian support from the friends I'd had previously when I was down, or worried, or needed help. I felt, simply to put it, worldly, and when you've tasted something better, somehow gorging on scraps of junk never makes you feel right. Its like after you've tasted coffee with sugar and milk, you hardly want to drink coffee without it again.

So for the longest time as I mentioned, I felt very far from God. I wondered why he would deprive me of all the good influences, all the things that I thought helped me grow. They did, but there was something I had not realized. I began to question and wonder whether all those influences were what had made me grow. Was it the circumstances in which I was in that had been the factors of my "Relationship with God"- my Christianity.

And finally God blessed me with a realization. It was by no means anything sudden, it was more gradual. Its pretty amazing how God just worked me up to this slowly. For days I'd been getting the message of returning to Him, keep talking to Him, that he would heal me and be my refuge. Indeed, I'd felt broken. God knows just what we need. All those good influences that had been a strong and dominant factor in my life before, they did help me grow, they did encourage and strengthen me when I felt weak and God did use some of my friends and family to speak to me and cheer me on in my walk. But there always comes a time when everything fades away. (Cliche sorry..) And you feel like you're left with nothing, but you know you're supposed to still have God. But you don't feel Him.

Taking your relationship with God to a different level in your walk is not always easy. For myself, I've come to realize that the removal of other distractions in my life have led me to where I have to simply face Him. My sole guide indeed is the Holy Spirit- God. There's nothing wrong with having Christian influences, but I now recognize that they put a barrier between my direct interaction and reliance on God and God alone. It was a personal hurdle that God is teaching me to overcome, and I can't say I've overcome it yet. But this is a time for me where I'm stripped of any dominant Christian figures in my life that impacted me spiritually- in a way that I can only describe as loud. (Not the best word.)

I can't say I know everything there is to my current situation, for only God can see the total big picture, but God's blessed me to be able to see, that right now in my life, He wants me to continue growing with HIM leading, and no other.