The Invisible Rifts Between Us

When I was in teens worship, I had a strong dislike for various individuals who also attended teens.

My thoughts can be summed up as such:
• They claim to be Christians, but they don't step out of their cliques to make newer members of Teens Worship feel like part of the Church.
• They seem to be shells, whom I try to talk to but don't seem interested in really getting to know me truly.
• They don't seem interested in talking about God's word. Or anything that was more meaningful.
• I can't see where God is in their lives.

And so on. Such presumptuous thoughts.

I struggled a lot on some days with going to service and fellowship with them because of these thoughts and feelings. I eventually shunned them. There was a growing gap between us. It was "Hello" and "How are you?" and "Good!" and "Okay then."

By God's grace, we all continued on to our college fellowship. By His grace, I continued to attend our particular Church.

I would say that a huge theme for me during the first year of university was community. I felt a huge push from God to learn to love my brothers and sisters in Christ. To be there for them. That loving community is the result of loving Him.

So I pushed myself to go to events, to be there, with and in community. And I began to get to know them just a little more. At the end of that year's fellowship retreat I did shared about the above mentioned struggle to love and understand some of these individuals in the Church. And I apologized to them, even if they didn't know about the feelings that I had kept hidden within.

And so I continued to walk with this fellowship. We all did.

~~~

I recently attended a party with a lot of these individuals actually, and my sister later commented that I now get along well with a lot of the individuals that I used to dislike so much. I hadn't actually thought about it by now for quite some time, but I realized that she was right (that's actually what inspired this post).

My moment of revelation however, has to be connected with a reminder that occurred last week. I had been stricken with an unfortunate case of food poisoning, and thus confined to lying in my bed all day. I looked up on my bedroom walls, absolutely bored, and a group of sticky-notes caught my eyes. These sticky-notes had one name on each one, and were all folded in half. I was in that moment reminded, and filled with much gratitude and praise towards God.

~~~

God's grace to me had been extended all those years ago, back when I still was filled with hate and confusion. When I was misled by an attitude that was almost pharisee-like: I disliked these people, because I judged, and I felt that they didn't love God enough.

Yet, even while I was still in this sin, I knew in my heart that God wanted me to pray for my "enemies": People I didn't like. People I didn't understand; God's mercy and grace was imparted to me by Him inspiring this idea. I decided to write down all the names of the people I wasn't close to in teens, and I picked a name each night, and prayed for that person.

When I saw those sticky-notes in my room, this memory came back to me, and I praised God because I realized that intercession for those we do not understand, or agree with, is really really a huge blessing. The intercession was for them, but I realized that God intended it also for myself– God knew that my understanding of what the community of God is, had to change. Perhaps it has changed for all of us over time:

I see now that God is and has always been working in all of their lives. And mine as well. He knew back then, just what was needed. When I look at my Church community now, I cannot help but tear up, because I am so so proud of how we have grown, not just individually, but also together as a Church. And I am filled with much joy because I know that we continue to desire to develop these relationships with each other.

You are now people, that I look forward to getting together with. To spending time with. To sharing games and conversation and laughs with. I look forward to hearing your stories, and how you have been doing, what God has been doing in your lives. To sharing what God has been doing in my life. To finding ways that I can love you guys, and receive the love that you guys pour out to the people around you. I am very thankful for all the people in our fellowship. I see members who are trying to seek God in their lives, who are trying to understand Him and who are there for each other as well.

And finally, after five years (or something-the-like), I feel like Church, these people, is home.

Level Up!

Sometimes as Youths we wonder whether what we believe in is just fed off other people's passion for God.

Its easy to believe when you're in the company of good Christian friends, its so easy to be a Christian. Its easy when you were born in a Christian family, when your parents impress these beliefs on you and have for your whole life. Its easy when the people closest to you approve of your belief.

Yet at times, whether it be happy or sad, we can't help but wonder whether its all real, whether we really believe. When we're alone, when there's no one there to sway our opinion.

Personally, I felt for a long period of time that a change in direction in my life had distanced me from good Christian influences. It was from being surrounded by close Christian friends and family, to being in an environment where I had to struggle daily to remember who I was, and what I was doing there. I felt stifled, and that I'd lost my way. There was no encouragement like I was used to. There was no Christian support from the friends I'd had previously when I was down, or worried, or needed help. I felt, simply to put it, worldly, and when you've tasted something better, somehow gorging on scraps of junk never makes you feel right. Its like after you've tasted coffee with sugar and milk, you hardly want to drink coffee without it again.

So for the longest time as I mentioned, I felt very far from God. I wondered why he would deprive me of all the good influences, all the things that I thought helped me grow. They did, but there was something I had not realized. I began to question and wonder whether all those influences were what had made me grow. Was it the circumstances in which I was in that had been the factors of my "Relationship with God"- my Christianity.

And finally God blessed me with a realization. It was by no means anything sudden, it was more gradual. Its pretty amazing how God just worked me up to this slowly. For days I'd been getting the message of returning to Him, keep talking to Him, that he would heal me and be my refuge. Indeed, I'd felt broken. God knows just what we need. All those good influences that had been a strong and dominant factor in my life before, they did help me grow, they did encourage and strengthen me when I felt weak and God did use some of my friends and family to speak to me and cheer me on in my walk. But there always comes a time when everything fades away. (Cliche sorry..) And you feel like you're left with nothing, but you know you're supposed to still have God. But you don't feel Him.

Taking your relationship with God to a different level in your walk is not always easy. For myself, I've come to realize that the removal of other distractions in my life have led me to where I have to simply face Him. My sole guide indeed is the Holy Spirit- God. There's nothing wrong with having Christian influences, but I now recognize that they put a barrier between my direct interaction and reliance on God and God alone. It was a personal hurdle that God is teaching me to overcome, and I can't say I've overcome it yet. But this is a time for me where I'm stripped of any dominant Christian figures in my life that impacted me spiritually- in a way that I can only describe as loud. (Not the best word.)

I can't say I know everything there is to my current situation, for only God can see the total big picture, but God's blessed me to be able to see, that right now in my life, He wants me to continue growing with HIM leading, and no other.

Coming Back to Awe

Remember that day when you felt so young and fresh? Everything you knew was radical. It was new. It was inspiring. It awed you. It gave you a sense of enlightenment. Your eyes were unveiled. You were struck with realization.

But what happens when you forget all that? No, you do not forget that. What happens when what once struck you with so much awe and amazement, becomes normal, boring, old, dull, just another part of your life?

As humans, we tend to settle into boredom. Remember our 'friend' whom we should be wary of? Yes, boredom. So we know we have to be wary of it. So how do we avoid falling into that pit when we're on a slope that falls right into it?

In order to find the answer to this, it would be advisable to first try to remember. What first inspired you? What made your life "not boring" in the first place? At the very beginning? Before everything became lukewarm and mundane?

I'm speaking in terms of faith, by the way.

When we grow bored of life, it tends to suggest that we've grown bored with God.

"Is that all you have in store for me God? Sheesh, sure is life dull! You're so boring. I'm going to go find my own adventure."

And that's where you get into the sexual immoralities, or other forms of thrill which are second best.

If you don't think of ever going for the gold, you'll always only get the silver.

Remember the dreams God had for you originally. Though God changes the course of your walk through many different parts of your life, it might help to backtrack and refer back to how you got to where you are in the present.

Sometimes its the most humbling to see a child teach us, or remind us of something we’ve learnt long ago when we ourselves were children, and have let slide. But there is a message somewhere in there. Listen, even if it does seem like its just a child, what can they know? God can surprise you.

Rest and Recuperate

A lot of the times, we feel that we should always be on the giving end of things. We’re supposed to be generous, and not a glutton. Its bad to be always the one receiving, surely I must give something to someone else now. Yes, we should be generous, and God loves it when we give and help others. However. its not necessarily bad to be on the receiving end.

In fact, there are times when we should especially seek to be on the receiving end… from God! (No duh.) Sorry couldn’t resist that comment.

As I was saying, sometimes God wants to impart knowledge to you as well. We may feel like we’re dried out, and not as close to God as we used to. Thus, we don’t feel like how we did before. Perhaps others looked to you for support, or help, but recently you feel its been you who needs support and help. You wonder, have you lost that growth or maturity you had before which made you seem stronger or older? This feeling doesn’t have to be a negative thing.

Instead of feeling that you’re surely doomed because you’ve lost touch with the Lord, all the more turn to Him. He wants to fill you up again! Take a break to grow and strengthen your relationship with God. Rest and Recuperate! God wants to walk with and give to you! There’s a time to give and share wisdom, yes, but there’s also a time to receive.

So open up your heart and soul to the Lord and listen.